Lessons Love Taught

Today is special in our house because it is our 47th wedding anniversary. I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned over the years about love and faithfulness. I often tell the story about my insecurity when we were first married. It is part of my freedom journey. I knew that my husband loved me, but I was not yet convinced that it was an unconditional love that would endure. I knew God’s love had no bounds and was not determined by my character or behavior, but I was not so sure about Nino’s. He was human after all.

This insecurity in my heart, was tied to my need to perform. I had been a people pleaser my whole life; trying to meet every expectation laid on me by parents, teachers, or friends. I needed people to appreciate me in order to recognize my own value in their eyes. I tried to be perfect to earn love and acceptance. I looked fine on the outside, but my overachieving was driven by a fear of rejection. I didn’t know that the only one who can really assign my value was my creator. His love proved I was worthy.

As a teenager I took the first big step and asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. That took a lot of the performance pressure off. I knew I was secure and loved. However, I was still seeking approval from others to reassure me that I was valued. As a newlywed, I was working very hard to be a good person. I knew I sometimes made mistakes like burning the toast or having a bad attitude, but I could not admit I had any character flaws. This led to me hiding my failures from my husband so that he would not change his mind about how lovable I really was. When I struggled or we disagreed I didn’t feel safe to expose my own weakness.

I would then explain /complain to Nino about how I was feeling. He was understanding and wanted to comfort me so he always took the blame for the problem. I was never the cause of the miscommunication, even when I knew the issue was mine. Praise God that I had a patient husband. Nino always took the blame even saying “I am sorry I was not the husband you needed”, a few times. My heart melted at that phrase, but I still was not secure enough to rely on him and admit my fault. It probably took a year and a half until I felt safe enough to talk about my anger, frustration, and guilt. Trust was built slowly. I finally realized he was faithful to me and accepting of the real me- not just the image I portrayed. My faults were known and accepted because “love covers a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8. Looking back on our journey, I see parallels on the path to trust God.

Ephesians 5:31-32 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

The Bible says that the love experienced in a good marriage is profound, and it reveals the kind of love God shows. God’s love can also lead you to explore and build true love into your marriage. We have had many years to get to know each other, and to choose love despite the weaknesses and flaws we carry. When we allow God to transform our hearts and teach us about love and faithfulness, it is a path to becoming all that God created us to be. Today, after 47 years, I trust my husband implicitly, and have full reliance on his faithfulness. Have you learned to trust God’s love in this way? 1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us true love is patient, and kind. It is never envious, boastful, or arrogant. God’s love will not rejoice when you are wronged or believe the worst about you.

1 Cor 13:7-8a “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.”

This post is a tribute to my husband, but also to our faithful God who has always believed the best of us. As we have allowed Him to mature us and grow us in His love, He has done the miracle of transforming our minds to reflect His nature. God’s faithfulness reveals His character and walking with Him transforms us until we begin to reflect Him.

Romans 12:2 NIV “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Blessings to each of you today. Kathy