Relationships

"We were built for relationship. God made us a relational people because He is a relational God." Kathy Spampinato 

Our lives are greatly enriched by friends, family, and partners who offer us understanding and support. Strong relationships bring joy and fulfillment to our lives. We feel accepted, understood, and supported. Whether the bond of trust is built in childhood, through a group of friends, or on the job, we gain companionship and a sense of belonging. The relationships we have in our life become the focus of our thoughts and routines. They push away feelings of loneliness, and stress and give us a feeling of contentment.

However, not all relationships are positive and life-giving. Sometimes they are broken or strained. The uncertainty brings tension and fear of the unknown. Even longtime friendships can be painful at times. A new season of life, or a difficult time, can bring a shift in the friendship that is hard to negotiate. So how do you build positive relationships? How do you mend a strained friendship? These are questions we must all face at times.

We were built for relationship. God made us a relational people because He is a relational God. He has communication within the Godhead, and created man in His image. We need one another. We crave understanding and acceptance. We need to feel good about ourselves and those close to us. It is interesting to note that how we view ourselves, is often a result of how others have treated us. We seek affirmation about who we are from outside of ourselves. Our need for affection and understanding is fundamental to who we are. When we are lacking positive support, we struggle to find our own worth.

I think a good place to start, is in recognizing that God is wanting to be the foundation and strength of our lives. Our relationship with God is meant to define who we are, and our value. God created us out of love, and then He redeemed us through the sacrifice of Jesus. Our value is established because “…God so loved us, that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 – paraphrased.

Our ultimate value is in God’s love. He saw such worth and potential in us, that He gave the ultimate sacrifice to bring us to relationship with Him, and in Him. When we recognize and accept the love of God in Jesus, we start to believe in our worth as His beloved. That changes everything.

Psalm 139:14, 17 ESV “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them!”

So how does the love of God change the other relationships in our lives? If we ground our self-esteem in our identity as a child of God, we have a growing confidence in who we are. We have hope in our future and a realization that we are not alone in this world. Our sense of self is rooted in the promises of God, and we are willing to trust Him with our needs and our concerns. He becomes the focus of our direction and our dreams. When we stand in confidence in who God made us to be, we carry that confidence into our friendships.

If you are not feeling the love of God for you at this stage, then tell Him so. Ask God to reveal His love and care for you. You can read the Bible to build up your faith in how God sees you. You know His love is true, but you need to see it, feel it, and believe it. Invite Holy Spirit to speak to you about how He sees you. Ask Him a question: Holy Spirit, what is it about me that you love and enjoy? Then listen to that still small voice and recognize the thought or feeling that comes from Him.

As to the other people in our lives, here are some hints for building trusting relationships. I am not an expert. This is definitely not a definitive list, but it will set you in the right direction.

• Determine who it is, that you can trust with your feelings.

• Be vulnerable and share your heart. It will bring intimacy to your conversation.

• Be open hearted and willing to grow as you pursue deeper friendships.

• Continue to put your trust in God’s plan and His care.

• Be willing to accept and understand the other person’s view even if you don’t agree.

• Affirm you friend’s character and choices, and offer them understanding.

• Be willing to apologize when you mess up and step on toes. Be willing to forgive when someone has hurt you.

• Jeremiah 29: 11-13a “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord and I will restore your fortunes…”

Feeling cared for and appreciated brings us a sense of safety and security. God’s promises are a good place to begin. When you feel secure in God’s love for you, you will have the confidence and the strength to share your heart with others. You know who you are! Your identity rests in God and not in what others have said about you.

Romans 5:2,5 “Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. …and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”