“We have a choice in our reactions to the tough things in life. Frustration does not have to bring out our worst attitudes." Kathy Spampinato

I don't know about you, but I do not like frustration. Wait a minute! No one likes to be frustrated, and no one reacts well as their first response. I was thinking about this the other day because my first reaction is to blame someone or something else. I always think that MY reaction is warranted and it's the fault of the circumstances. It is always what has happened to me that causes the frustration. I've realized that in those moments, I never see my part of the problem, and I always see that MY bad attitude is the normal reaction. Blame always lies with someone else, or with the situation I find myself in -through no fault of my own. It is only later that I begin to see myself and my reactions in a more balanced light.

When I get frustrated with life, my first reaction is to think that what I'm going through is not fair! Wait a minute! Am I 6 years old? I never see that the situation is bringing out my bad attitudes. I do not recognize that my response is a choice. Unfortunately, this is not a new situation for me. I have been frustrated many times and the reaction of my most basic instincts, "my flesh", is to quickly blame someone else. There is a Bible verse that shines a light on my attitude.

Matthew 12:34-36a ESV "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak"

This verse clearly shows that I am in trouble! Frustration quickly brings out bad attitudes and blame that are resident in my heart. They are a part of my unredeemed self- my weak character. I have recognized this, and have grown through my frustration and I am able to do things differently most of the time. Let me share some of my journey. Perhaps you can relate.

Frustration shows that my base reaction is similar to how I respond when disappointment hits. The reality I am facing is NOT what I expected, and I am crushed. In my book, "Overcoming Disappointment and Discouragement" I talk about the ways a child responds on Christmas when they do not get the things their heart desires. As adults, we can have the same reaction to life. Let's take a look at this excerpt.

"I challenge you to think of disappointment as an opportunity. We have a choice in how we respond to adversity. After our initial instinctive reaction, we decide what to do next. If we do not consider the consequences, we can respond with one of the following.

-We react like a young child and have a temper tantrum.

-We respond to being hurt by looking for someone to blame for our pain.

-We set our sights on a different prize in the hope that this one won’t disappoint.

-We cut off the person who let us down.

-We go looking for our own fulfillment outside of God’s ways, since He isn’t coming through for us.

-We stuff our negative emotions deep down and pretend they are not important."

Do you recognize any of these reactions? Maturity has taught me that this is not acceptable, so I work on responding differently. We have a choice in our reactions to the tough things in life. Frustration does not have to bring out our worst attitudes. Here's a typical example. How do you react when you're running late and someone cuts you off in traffic?

We have to train ourselves to respond and react in a more godly way. It is a choice! Did I say that already? I have learned that the first step is to recognize when I've blown it, and be sorry. This is a simple form of repentance. I ask God to forgive me for my bad attitudes and help me to choose a better response the next time. Then, I might have to apologize to the person who got the brunt of my blame game.

After I've recognized the error of my ways the next step is to ask God to help me grow. Unfortunately, the growth often comes with lots of opportunities to practice dealing with frustration. It is a bit like praying for patience: it comes with lots of repetition in choosing God's way. Growth with frustration comes with many situations that cause frustration, and you have to choose to slow down your reaction time. If you've thought about a better plan, you will then have the chance to choose a good response. You might have some of the same emotions that you've had in the past, but now you can decide to act differently, and not express every negative thought you have. Your feelings will eventually follow the plan.

Improvement will happen over time. Fruit does not develop quickly. It only grows when the tree has the sunshine and water it needs, and the time to develop. It grows from a bud, to a flower, and to a small unripe fruit. It only ripens and brings out the sweetness with patience and time. That is the way we grow. It takes patience and time with lots of grace in the process. I urge you to have a conversation with God about your attitudes. Is He giving you an opportunity to grow some fruit? We can choose patience with others. We can choose to offer forgiveness and grace when frustrated, because we realize we need it ourselves.

Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Romans 12:2-3 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good, acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly that he ought to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."

God offers us the opportunity to grow, and to develop the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22) Let's choose to cooperate with Him and participate in His plan to bring light and love to full measure in us.