"The patterns of self-defense and self-protection that develop then, follow us for our whole lives, unless we take a good look at them and ask ourselves if those patterns are still working for us as adults." Kathy Spampinato

No one reaches adulthood without some emotional and behavioral issues. Childhood is often the very common root of struggle in our lives. As children we do not know how to handle difficult people or difficult situations. We do not have the maturity or wisdom to understand that people will say terrible things to us, or about us, that may not be true. They are dealing with their own problems. Someone else's foolish or cruel words have consequences in our hearts. What others say becomes part of how we view ourselves. We defend ourselves using words or behaviors meant to self-protect and project an image that we are strong and nothing will hurt us. We might stay and fight, or run and hide. As a result, people wrestle with feelings of worthlessness, abandonment, panic, rejection, fear of death, loneliness, anxiety, resentment, or other issues that have a tie to the events and feelings of their childhood. The patterns of self-defense and self-protection that develop then, follow us for our whole lives, unless we take a good look at them and ask ourselves if those patterns are still working for us as adults.

Even growing up in a healthy home with two loving parents, you cannot avoid all struggles or emotional difficulties, because we are human beings. None of us is perfect, and our view of life is skewed by how others have treated us, and by our actions while trying to cope. This is life. We observe what is happening around us, and we react instinctively; sometimes with no time to think or plan the best way to respond. Our choices then develop our interests, who we become friends with, our character, our careers, and ultimately the direction we choose in life.

Here are some thought provoking questions that will help you reflect. Is it time for a change? Are you happy with where you are in life? Can you see that your own experiences and responses have led to who you are now? Can you see that your own self-defense causes you to respond in ways you are not proud of? Are you struggling with some of your emotional and behavioral difficulties? Where do you go with these things? Do you just try and forget problems and push on? How do you grow beyond your own instinctive reactions to pain?

One of the scriptures that constantly speaks to me through tough situations is Psalm 46, especially verses 1,2,7,and verse 10.

Psalm 46:1- 2a, 7a, 10 ESV "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,... The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. 'Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "

When life brings me something difficult to deal with, I will remind myself often that

'God is a very present help in times of trouble'. I will ask God for clarity and strength, and ask Him to lead me in a life-giving way. My childhood go-to response was to get angry. Growing up, I learned that anger was the natural response to frustration. When I had two children before my second anniversary I had to rethink this. My anger response was NOT HELPING me deal with the frustrations of babies. It certainly was not helping the kids, and I was ashamed of myself, and filled with guilt. I had to allow God to heal the pain of the past, and to give me a loving response to offer the children that I loved. I wasn't going to let my emotional difficulty cripple them. Thus began my personal journey to freedom in Christ!

The Holy Spirit is the key to unlocking the mystery of your emotional difficulties, and to helping you deal with those actions that are part of a pattern of behavior. Ask Him to reveal the underlying issue that caused this defense pattern to develop. Perhaps God will give you a dream, a mental picture, a memory, or a word that helps you identify the problem and its root. Each person will receive from the Holy Spirit in a unique way, because we are individuals. God treats your healing with a love that is specific to you. Ask God to heal your heart and memory, and set you free from this burden. Talk to a friend or counselor to help you unravel the issue. Hire a coach to help you determine direction and goals on your road to freedom.

Matt 11:28-30 ESV Jesus says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

God is interested in your life and your struggles. He is there to teach you, and to lighten your load. You can learn from Him, and from the Bible. You can choose to respond in love and retrain your automatic reactions. I know this because I've done it. It might not be simple or easy, but God is your helper and He is on your side because He loves you. You are His child.

John 8:34-35 NIV 'Jesus replied." I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the son sets you free you will be free indeed." '

Galatians 5:1 NIV "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

You can do this! God has power, love, and a sound mind for you! Ask Him to work that into your heart so you begin to live the abundant and blessed life that He designed for you.