"God is capable of defeating rejection in your life and showing you who He made you to be. You do not need anger and bitterness to protect you." Kathy Spampinato

We all experience rejection when we are dismissed as unimportant or unworthy, or are excluded in social situations. Our value as a person is challenged. We each face rejection during our childhood to some degree, whether from a sibling, a playmate, or an adult. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, this can twist our sense of wellbeing and our self-worth. Rejection can color our mindset and our relationships. I have been on a life journey to recognize how rejection has impacted me, and to release its power over me. It has been a process of healing and freedom, and it can be for you as well.

The early effect of rejection for me was not a devastating trauma, but a pushing away of the feelings attached. I did not want to feel sad or left out so I became a people pleaser. I was cheerful, friendly and cooperative so that no one would have a reason to reject me. I was on a quest to please everyone: my parents, siblings, friends, and teachers. I was working hard to earn love and respect. I was performing to gain value and acceptance, and was never sure whether I would succeed or not. Fear of rejection began shaping my personality, interests, and behavior. This was not a healthy situation, but it caused me to look like I had it all together. I was in control of my surroundings in order to protect myself from rejection.

Some of the characteristics of rejection are hidden and unconscious. A passive rejection ignores the person without reason. This could be a type of favoritism of someone else in the family/group, or being given the silent treatment. It makes the rejected person change their behavior in an unending quest to please, and to figure out where they stand with the one rejecting them. More active forms of rejection include teasing, bullying, hazing, and ridiculing. Active rejection is vocal and gathers others to reinforce that the person is not worthy. This is especially evident in the era of social media and cyber-bullying.

Let's take a minute to look at the compounded effect of rejection. It will grow into: a fear of rejection and social situations; rejection of others before they can hurt you; rejection of yourself and your contributions; and finally, taking on a total identity of rejection. It will isolate you and attack your self-confidence and self-esteem. It becomes the lens that you use to view your life and your interactions with others.

This is not how God intended you to live! He sees you through His eyes of love, acceptance and value. You are His treasure. He designed you with a plan and purpose. You were created in His image, and His love gives you purpose and direction. Let's look at scripture to begin to take down the walls that self-protection has built around your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-12a ESV "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your hear. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes."

In this well-known verse, God is talking to the nation of Israel, but it is also a message to each of us as individuals. God has a plan, a hope, and a future for you, that is not shaped by the rejection you've experienced.

Reflection Questions: Are you willing to trust Him to heal you and bring you the love and acceptance you crave? Are you willing to let God be in control? Will He show himself faithful and loving towards you?

God is capable of defeating rejection in your life and showing you who He made you to be. You do not need anger and bitterness to protect you. You do not need to hold your heart safely away from your loved ones, while expecting them to hurt you again.

1 Peter 1:3-4, 6b "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Your life may have taught you that most people are not to be trusted. However, I would like to challenge you today. Are you willing to trust God? Ask God today to lead you to put aside rejection and receive healing from His hand. He is the one who designed you, and sent His Son to die for your sins. You are found worthy to receive Him and walk with Him. He will restore you. You can be complete in Him.

If your whole life feels like a reflection of the rejection you have received and given, you should prayerfully consider getting help from a coach, pastor or counselor. They can lead you safely on this journey to freedom in Christ. Here are some steps you can take to break rejection's hold on you. I have found them helpful.

• Repent - tell God you're sorry, for unknowingly aligning yourself and making agreements with rejection. Apologize for rejecting others because of your pain.

• Verbally declare that you renounce the spirit of rejection and will not follow it anymore.

• Declare that you break every spiritual tie with rejection and fear of rejection.

• Choose to forgive those who have rejected you- whether you feel like it or not. It's a decision for your sake, not theirs. Hurt people hurt people.

• Thank God for setting you free and ask Holy Spirit to fill your heart and mind with His love for yourself, and others.

Wherever you find yourself today regarding rejection, God is on your side, and He can lead you into freedom in Christ. If you need help with this journey, I am available to Coach you through it!

Romans 8:2 "For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."

Galatians 5:1 NIV "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

 Note: Today's blog is an excerpt from a free resource, "My Discovery Workbook", available for download on my website, kingdomkourage.com. On the Products Page just scroll down until you see Free Resources. The contents of this Free Workbook are proprietary and only intended for your personal use.